Movies are great but they do not consume me, there is one woman in my life who might have loved me enough to get over more of my flaws if I would have gone to the movies with her more, but I could never do it. The movie stories are sometimes great, clearly the imagery is often great, though there is something I don’t like about sitting passively with strangers and taking in other peoples most personal thoughts and experiences. She wanted me to love the movies as much as her and I didn’t and it left her wanting, if only that was it but like always there was so much more. Before and after me this woman saw almost every movie out there, and she loved it. Like some other things I wish I did want to see those movies, much like I wish I liked sports enough to watch sports on TV or could believe in god, movies just don’t compel me like that. That aside when I sit down to write, when I play the stories in my head they seem to play out like movies, I can see the scene and the dialog, just no music and the credits aren’t ever there. Driving down Ravenna Avenue the other afternoon I saw two young guys walking through the grass divider. It’s a wide divider maybe 40 feet across, covered in grass with trees lining both sides. They were walking in that way that says sure we are getting somewhere, but the enjoyment of life and this conversation and this friendship means way more than walking anywhere. That’s the scene I always want to fill with dialog. There is another that I constantly look back at. When I lived in Irvine we would take the bus to the ocean. Sometimes four or five of us would go, when it was in groups like that it would be the normal joking and dick sizing, sometimes just my friend David and I. That hour that it took to get to the beach was a pain in the ass but it was time to talk, to make fun of things, to revel in friendship. With surfboards shifting during the ride, with people getting on and off there was always so much to talk about. I want to fill those moments with the dialogs of my childhood but with the insight of my life right now. So much work to do.
I thought this all through yesterday, I wrote this in my head as I was driving. Walking to work this morning I was wondering what it was about since I couldn’t remember the great idea I’d had the night before, I started to worry that I couldn’t write or wasn’t built for it since I didn’t push hard enough. Writing this made me happy. Maybe this is all that I get from the idea, maybe it’s far as it goes, but I enjoyed it.
One foot after another and repeat.